Concerned about a student

A direct expression of concern to your friend is an appropriate course of action if:

• You feel comfortable doing so.
• Your friend is not in a serious mental health crisis (e.g., where immediate professional help is needed to address safety concerns or other extreme circumstances).

Make sure you find a private space and choose a time when you both can be uninterrupted and focused on the conversation.

• Do not promise confidentiality. Depending on what your friend discloses, you may have to alert professionals to make sure your friend and others remain safe. Although you cannot promise to keep anything a secret, you can promise to respect your friend’s privacy by only sharing information with professionals or others who can help if needed.
• Focus on the behaviors. Many people experience some discomfort when they receive feedback about themselves. The most effective way to decrease an individual’s sensitivity and potential defensiveness is to focus on their behavior, not their personality, and avoid making interpretations about why they are engaging in the behavior. For example, it is better to say “I am concerned about you because I noticed you have not gone to class in a couple of weeks and you are sleeping a lot” rather than “I think you might be depressed.”
• Avoid judgment. Regardless of the situation or circumstances, most people do not like to be judged. You may have opinions about your friend’s behavior, but remember that the behavior reflects their struggle to cope effectively with stress or difficult emotions. Make an effort to be aware of your opinions and keep these private.
• Listen. Listening is more than just hearing what someone says, it also includes someone feeling heard. General listening skills such as speaking softly, not interrupting, maintaining eye contact, reflecting back what you are hearing, clarifying, and being patient can be very helpful. Remember silence provides someone with the opportunity to share more.Try to resist the temptation to fill in the silence if there are brief lapses in conversation.
• Suggest helpful resources. After you have given your friend space and time to respond to your concerns and share their thoughts and feelings, try to engage them in collective brainstorming about a range of possible solutions. Remember there are numerous resources at ASU to assist students with challenges or stressors they are facing. If you are not sure what resources are available, ask a faculty or staff member. If you think your friend may benefit from speaking with a counselor, you can accompany your friend to any ASU Counseling Services location, Monday to Friday,  between 8 a.m.- 5 p.m., and ask to speak with a counselor. No appointment is necessary. Sometimes accompanying someone can be the additional support they need to seek professional help.
• Reconnect and follow up. Your friend may need time to digest and process your concerns, it can be a lot from them to take in all at once. After a few days, reconnect and check in to see how they are doing. Express your genuine concern and offer further support or assistance.

Helping someone in distress can be overwhelming and stressful. Know that you are not alone and that there are numerous resources at ASU available to support you and to help make sure your friend gets help. For example, Open Call Open Chat providers are available 24-hours per day, 7 days per week, to discuss your concerns and to help you determine what path is best given your friend’s circumstances. Also, during business hours, 8am-5pm, ASU Counseling Staff are available to talk through your concerns, call 480-965-6146. Providers can also inform you of other resources available to address challenges your friend may be experiencing.Through difficult times, take advantage of the support available to you and your friend.